Just what everyone over a size 6 was waiting for: the return of leather pants. A number of designers have rolled out versions for the fall ranging from long, lean and lanky, to loosely tailored, though some say stick to the skinny version for a classic ’90s flashback look. And for the fashion-conscious vegan, Notify, Guess, Harvey Nichols and Goldsign are wheeling out an all-pleather alternative. Although touted as a return to the grunge look, last time I checked my grunge wardrobe, there was nary a leather pant to be found amidst the flannel and hiking boots, but that might be why Vogue ain’t knockin’ on my door…

Does the dotted red line pop up every time you spell “consensus”? Well, the consensus of the people at Collins dictionary in Britain is that certain misspellings are less the result of ignorance and more the over application of rules by the uncommonly clever. When spelling a word like “sacrilegious,” those in the vocab-know mistakenly assume “religious” must form its base; “consensus,” contrary to a certain logic, does not have the same spelling as “census.” For those missing the boat on “reely,” “peenut,” “hor” and “as,” no one is quite sure what’s going on there but please avoid any serious attempts at graffiti.

Barbie may have brought boobs to the forefront of Toyland, but the new dolly from Boobie Buddies have a workin’ rack. Strategically-placed magnets bring babe to boob, and all the clothes are removable for a truly educational experience for the whole family. Adding the stretch marks and varicose veins is optional, but magic marker is not included.

For all those former and current slop workers in the cafeteria, the passing of the tray from US colleges brings with it a mixture of emotions: Gone are the days of skillfully constructed masterpieces of food paraphernalia; gone, too, are the disgusting messes of orange pop, soggy waffles and mystery meat. Yet each of us can appreciate the green sentiments leading to the abandonment of the key ingredient to the supplying of the food fight arsenal. Colleges such as Georgia Tech and the University of Florida have noted significant drops in water usage after going trayless, and food waste is also on the decrease. Major food service companies such as Aramark and Sodexo are planning to jump on the green bandwagon soon after running the idea by students and faculty. So long, my ugly beige friend.
(Photo Credit: Kelly Cline/iStockphoto)

Who says Barbie isn’t an outdoorsy kind of gal? David Hayes rocks his manhood in two ways in this story: 1) He’s out fishing with his granddaughter and has been since she could hold a fishing pole; and 2) When he caught the record-breaking catfish, he came clean that he did it using her Barbie rod. Little Alyssa ran to the bathroom for just a second when the 21-pound, 32-inch fish grabbed the line and was worried old gramps was going to break her Christmas present. Considering the fish was two inches longer than the pole, grandpa must have some pretty sweet fishing skills.

Always meant to go to experience one real Mardi Gras? It may be too late. Katrina swept away many things that can be replaced but as one sociologist of Rowan University commented, “Who’s going to make the gumbo?” With a heavy emphasis on tourism in the minds of those rebuilding the city, researchers are finding that the authentic essence of New Orleans will be the hardest thing to replace. The unique dynamic of culture developed by and attractive to people across the social and economic spectrum may never return if a “sense of place” is not re-established for the artists and natives of the Big Easy. “The storm has virtually created a blank slate for the city, almost as if the city was wiped from the earth and another city was built on its ruins. The society and culture of New Orleans may never be the same again.”

H&M’s newly redesigned 34th Street store will reopen today, featuring a brand spankin’ new men’s department for all your pseudo-Euro chic clothing needs. Swing by for giveaways, but hurry up because you know those freegans will be all over it.

One San Francisco man thinks so, as he stated in his blog: “Regardless of the obvious dangers, some people will ride bikes in San Francisco for the same reason Islamic fanatics will engage in suicide bombings — because they are politically motivated to do so.” Rob Anderson sued the city to prevent expanding the system of bike lanes saying they would worsen traffic conditions and had no business trying to wean the country from their cars. With rising fuel costs, cities from San Francisco to Pittsburgh are experiencing increased pressure to make room for two-wheeled travelers, but serious accidents are also on the rise as drivers struggle to adjust.

If a flat bum has left you desiring a booty boost, then consider squeezing all your assets into the latest torture device targeted at women willing to sacrifice comfort for butt perkiness. The Ass Bra resembles something you would see in the back room of that seedy store that of course you have never dared enter. Yep, like S&M, only less leather, more lace, spandex and polyester.

Bad news for Democrats: will former Hillary supporters who hit their prime in the ’70s be influenced by McCain’s love of ABBA? Or will the Christian right hesitate to support a man who has two gay club standards of Trash Disco night on his top 10 song list? The polls will tell… Perhaps Obama will Touch the Sky if he continues to Think, “I’m On Fire” and “Yes We Can,” because Ready or Not we’ll all wonder What’s Going On if he gets labeled a Sinnerman in the City of Blinding Lights after eight years have so many saying You’d Be So Easy to Love. But, hey, sometimes Smoke Gets in Your Eyes and Sweet Caroline turns to McCain’s Good Vibrations after thinking, “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” even if he’s saying to himself “If I Make It Through December…”

Dog people are a special breed, and the Hotel Monaco in Washington is one of a number of new establishments greasing the social wheels of canine lovers across the country. With spending on pets equaling spending on children’s toys each year, the market is ripe for happy hours that allow owners to spend a little quality time with their animals at the end of a long week. A spokesperson for the hotel noted that the event seems to draw more than a few non-pet owners: “Some people really go there to mingle. The other day, four young men showed up … with one dog.” So throw back a beer and toss the dog a bone and maybe sniff a few bums in the process.

Jackson Browne is taking the Republican party and its candidate to court over use of his song “Running on Empty” in a recent attack ad on Obama. A lifelong liberal and “advocate for social and environmental justice”, Browne is seeking $75,000 in damages for copyright infringement, and the ad insulting Obama’s suggestion maintaining proper tire pressure has been pulled. Ironically, the suit was called a “big to-do about nothing” by the Ohio Republican party chairman; so much for standing up for personal property rights.

Sit down if you thought Barbie was a evil because the newest gift to the tween and pre-tween girl is a wax job. Wanda Stawczyk, of Wanda’s European Skin Care in New York, has seen her juvenile client base go from zero to 200 annually in the last ten years. She recommends clients should start at age six because its easier to pull out the roots of young hair, saving $3000 a year in waxing charges down the line. Seriously, how do they know where to wax at age six? Others are horrified, citing skin inflammation and irritation as well as psychological damage. Please say these kids already have a fully-funded college savings accounts, please.

Many might say that modern art stinks, but this was especially the case in Bern, Switzerland the night of July 31st. American artist, Paul McCarthy’s work, consisting of giant inflatable turds, blew away from its installation site in front of the Zentrum Paul Klee museum taking down a power line and breaking a greenhouse window. The artist says a safety mechanism malfunctioned that would have deflated the turds if they broke free. Think of the lucky obituary writer if there’d been any fatalities.

Every child knows the scary shadows of the night disappear with the dawn, and some Germans are thinking it’s time to throw the light of day on Mein Kampf. There’s a growing movement in Germany to take Hitler’s manifesto off the banned list and defang it by returning the tome to bookshelves. With the copyright set to expire in 2015, academics are interested in releasing a critical edition of the work in order to ward off misuse by far-right extremists, and even have the support of the Central Council of Jews in Germany. The government says a lifting of the ban is doubtful, though, since editions are readily available on the internet, and they want no lingering questions about Germany’s intolerance of Nazi ideology.

Women still can’t get equal pay, but it’s nice to see the gents coming down to our level. Long a staple of women’s misery, now guys can also share in the fashion fun of pantyhose. e-MANcipate is working for general acceptance of manly legwear, emphasizing the health benefits of a long, sleek and sexy line. Their website includes testimonials, tips for beginners and suggestions for what you can do to promote the trend in your own area (you can bet your size 11 stillettos you’d get the crap beaten out of you in my area). So, all you metrosexuals out there who think the feminist movement consists of a bunch of whiners, jump on the bandwagon…but don’t run those hose, suckers!

Some residents of Marburg, Germany — former haunt of the Brothers Grimm — are feeling the heat of recently-passed environmental initiatives requiring the installation of solar panels. Already an environmental leader, the hefty fines levied on homes that refuse to install panels when insulating renovations or roof repairs are done are causing a backlash from those who believe the rights of property owners are being violated. Deputy mayor, Franz Kahle, points out that building codes have always existed and exceptions are available for hardship cases. One politician noted, though, that, “It’s unfortunate that they decided to compel people, because I think you breed opponents that way rather than friends of solar energy.”

Why, oh why, did this one not end up on “Cops”? Jerry Sleater of Eastern Washington got a shock with his morning paper when he saw that his 500 lbs decorative rooster was lying on the opposite side of the road after an attempted theft. The 76-year-old man — who had purchased the chicken at a going-out-of-business sale — thought that “…whoever was trying to steal Rudy got spooked after pushing the oversized rooster down a dirt embankment.” Like he needed an excuse.

Will Band-Aid soon be hitting runways with Balenciaga and Louis Vuitton? Breaking the beige barrier, designers such as Marc Jacobs, Alexandre Herchcovitch, and Fabian Seibert are dressing up the boo-boo with crystals, messages and eye-popping designs, causing boxes to fly off shelves. Nicholas James Brown of Esquire magazine is rationing his stash for fashion week in New York: “I definitely have to be rocking a bandage somewhere visible.”

New Jersey celebrated its finest crabs recently in Ocean City. No, not the type you fear lurking around in your under-roos. The National Association of Crab Activities at the Beach (NASCRAB) hosted the 35th annual Miss Crustacean pageant and awarded top prize to a colorful display Best Week Ever described as looking like the result of “magical unicorns farting jewelry boxes in Key West.” Lovely.

While it’s not Sodomy Lane or Lucifer Avenue, the Jesus-loving folks at Second Baptist Church want the name of the street that runs in front their house of worship changed. The San Antonio church sits on Gay Boulevard and that doesn’t sit too well with congregation members who find the name offensive. One church member commented, “First of all, Gay Street, that’s not a proper name because I’m, anti-gay.” The church will have to fork over a $500 application fee to the city and put up an additional $800 to pay for new street signs. The church has proposed Ignorance Road as the new name. Oh wait, no, it’s actually Second Baptist Way. Same difference.
(Photo Credit: LyaC/iStockphoto)

Remember those passionate members of the high school debate team everyone thought were going places? They may have to make room for the sarcastic bullies in the modern political arena as we near the 150th anniversary of the Lincoln-Douglas debates. Gone are the days of answers fraught with careful consideration as politicians forsake positions that might be best for the country in favor of sound-bytes and hard line rhetoric. “I don’t entirely blame the candidates; we are getting what we crave,” says Prof. James Ferrell of the University of New Hampshire. “Who wants to listen to three hours of debate on abortion or the Iraq War when we can have Rush Limbaugh or Jon Stewart tell us what’s going on?” Our loss.

All right, Microsoft says it’s true, so I think we can all get pretty excited about being so close to Kevin Bacon (hmmmm, bacon). The study looked at 30 billion conversations on Microsoft Messenger — representing about 180 million people — and were shocked to find that the average distance between random strangers was 6.6 people. Researcher Eric Horvitz commented, “What we’re seeing suggests there may be a social connectivity constant for humanity. People have had this suspicion that we are really close. But we are showing on a very large scale that this idea goes beyond folklore.”

Anyone who’s seen Dirty Dancing knows that college boys aren’t as innocent as they seem, but now the sociologists at Bowling Green University are giving credence to the claim. Even though college-bound adolescents participate in less criminal activity than their non-college-bound peers, good boys turn bad once they hit the quad. The study’s primary researcher, Patrick M. Seffrin, noted that, “College attendance is commonly associated with self-improvement and upward mobility, yet this research suggests that college may actually encourage, rather than deter, social deviance and risk-taking.” And for all you community college champions, the results only applied to students at four-year universities.
(Photo Credit: Viorika Prikhodko/iStockphoto)

The vista over the hill seems a whole lot sunnier to men than women, a new study suggests, with men overtaking women in the fourth decade. The keys to happiness, or a lack thereof, appear to be attached to perceived accomplishments and expectations of material wealth. Earlier acquisition of the big three (family, home, car), close the gap between what a girl wants and what she gets due to what might be termed the Sugar Daddy effect. The empty nest may explain the dip in happiness for older women combined with unfulfilled dreams or material ambitions. Guess those Eastern religions were onto something; less desire does equal more peace of mind.
(Photo Credit: naphtalina/iStockphoto)