Pro-vegetarian sponsors shocked TV audiences with a commercial featuring a young boy in a school cafeteria confessing, “I was dumbfounded when the doctor told me I have late-stage colon cancer,” wiener in hand, but a closer look reveals demonizing Oscar Meyer may not tell the whole story. Though processed meats do enhance the chances of getting colon cancer, other factors such as lack of exercise and the absence of fruits and veggies do just as much, if not more damage. High salt and fat content are two reasons why activist groups are trying to pull the all-American staple from school menus, but research linking the disease to the dog were only performed on adults. So why not trade in that hot dog for some nachos and six-pack for the kiddies?

Manscaping continues to spread around the world and it seems the Germans have fully embraced beauty regimes. Women of Deutschland, not so much. An online survey revealed that German men spend an average of 30 minutes daily caring for their skin and body (not including shaving and bathing), while women only dedicated about 26 minutes per day. Ich liebe metrosexuals!
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Imagine an innocent cut on the knee leading to the nightmare of seemingly growing roots, and there you have the dilemma that faced Dede, an Indonesian fisherman, until University of Maryland’s Dr. Anthony Gasparri picked up the case. A case of HPV, which generally causes small warts on its sufferers, combined with a rare genetic condition unable to hinder the wart growth led to root-like lesions blossoming from the man’s hands and feet. Fired from his job and abandoned by his wife, Dede was left to depend on his extended family and a gig with the local freak show to support his two children. Synthetic vitamin A and surgery should allow him to lead a normal life, but bureaucratic obstacles necessitate him staying in Indonesia for the time being.

Bad news for new age hippie stores and angst-ridden teenagers: new research suggests that long-term exposure to burning incense raises the risk for certain types of upper respiratory tract cancers. Incense smoke contains multiple carcinogenic substances and the study revealed that repeated exposure to the toxic smoke without proper ventilation nearly doubled the chance of developing squamous cell upper respiratory tract carcinomas. The American Lung Association plans to add the fragrant smoke as a risk factor.

Even though the snip-snip is on the decline in the US overall, a number of Christians are choosing the “holistic circumcision” route for their boys, providing a whole new clientèle for traditional Jewish mohels. Some are seeking a more positive (and brief) experience for their newborns, while others are trying to more closely follow Old Testament guidelines. Once thought to decrease the chance of penile cancer, urinary tract infections and HIV transmissions, the American Academy of Pediatrics withdrew their recommendation for the procedure in 1999. What a loss for the Vaseline industry.

Anyone hoping for a Nordic sperm donor may have to hop a plane to Mexico thanks to a US embargo on European tissues, including sperm. As one frustrated recipient noted, “I wanted a baby that looked like me and wanted to share my heritage with my baby. Now I have a beautiful Viking baby, which is what I wanted. I was hoping to give her a full sibling.” Although American labs are claim the possibility mad cow could be transmitted through sperm are nil, the government has no plans on lifting the ban that’s been in place since 2005 to prevent the spread of the destructive brain disease. So much for perpetuating the next Aryan generation…Any Danish bars in the neighborhood?

There’s a good chance Snoopy caused old Chuck’s spouse a couple of sleepless nights according to Swedish researchers. Indian doctors are challenging the claim, but after analyzing 16,000 adults for a number of factors, heavy snorers all had a canine companion in their youth as well as having a tendency toward obesity and smoking. So while the phrase “man’s best friend” appears to be an apt one, women may not be feelin’ the puppy love.

According to a blog post from the owner of a 10-year-old lab mix, a Four Paws Inc. dog toy called “The Pimple Ball with Bell” can create a vacuum and consequently cause serious injuries. The injuries sustained by the dog’s tongue required amputation and, according to the pooch’s veterinarian, “likely occurred because there is not a second hole in the ball preventing the vacuum effect from happening.”

Automated calls usually get hung up on before the robot voice can pitch you a pyramid scheme or reason why you should vote for the local comptroller, but when that Stephen Hawking-like voice warns you may have an STD or HIV, you may linger on the line. At least 10 people in northern Indiana have received automated phone calls warning them they may have contracted a venereal disease. The calls purportedly come from the St. Joseph County Health Department, but agency officials say they would never deliver personal medical information through an automated system. The seemingly random calls rung up people 11 to 70 years old, creating a bit of confusion and at least a little concern.
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Folks with a hectic schedule and a desire to remain youthfully taut or completely expressionless, listen up because a new service called Smile Reminder sends text message reminders when the time rolls around for a Botox touch-up. The service also allows plastic surgeons to send holiday hellos and Happy Birthday wishes to patients, but aren’t both of those greetings just reminders that time keeps ticking and your face keeps falling? OMG ur old! LOL.

John Challis is a high school senior anticipating graduation and prom, reveling in his last few sports games and bringing a little bit of something incredibly special to Beaver County, Pennsylvania. In the two years since John was diagnosed with liver cancer, his impact has been palpable, an inspiration for his family, his coaches, his fellow athletes and students, his community. When a local church raised money for his treatments, he passed the hat to a local fifth-grader diagnosed with a brain tumor who he said needed the help more than he did. But this isn’t a kid that sees himself as anything special, just someone dealing with the best he can and his frustration seems to focus on the attitudes he sees in the world around him: “Why can’t people just see the best in things? It gets you so much further in life. It’s always negative this and negative that. That’s all you see and hear.” With the cancer spreading into his lungs, John has been given two more months to live. Thought y’all might want a very brief change of pace. UPDATE: John passed away on Tuesday.

Mounting pressure over the unhealthy body image projected by models and recent deaths had prompted London Fashion Week organizers to institute a requirement for models to pass a medical exam in order to participate. The prohibitive cost of such exams and a lack of international support, though, have caused London to drop the requirement: “From our conversations with our international counterparts in New York, Milan and Paris it has become clear that they do not recognize the need for an international health certificate,” noted Hilary Riva of the British Fashion Council. Other locales cited voluntary measures put into place for models to consult or, in the case of Paris, a negation of responsibility for their health. How about IV’s full of butter?

Anyone still discounting cheerleading as a sport may want to think again in light of new research by the University of North Carolina. With the increase in high-risk stunts and gymnastic moves, cheerleading accounts for over 65% of all catastrophic accidents among female high school and college athletes. The rise from the previously established percentage of 55% is due to new evidence revealed by the National Cheer Safety Foundation of California. The numbers are especially striking when one realizes that no other female sport has reached double-digit fatalities since 1982, but cheerleader deaths numbered 67. A high price to pay for a little pep.

Bad news for ladies trying to use the “happier if you’re married argument,” a new study from Michigan State University researchers shows that the self-reported health of single men is catching up to that of married couples as is the health of African-Americans. People who were previously married, though, including divorcees and especially widowers showed decreases in overall health. Marriage could not be definitively pinpointed as the cause of better health, and the rise in cohabitation may also impact the data in unforeseen ways. It’s probably a safe bet, though, that constant badgering by family and friends about the biological clock ticking isn’t helping the single gal scores.
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A baby can bring a smile to many faces (or a laugh if they’re funny-lookin’), but no one more than mom according to the University of Sydney’s Brain & Mind Research Institute. The hormone oxytocin, released during labor and breastfeeding or otherwise administered, allows people to remember pleasant experiences and block out the unpleasant. With the drop in the number of births and length of time breastfeeding in Western culture, women are becoming less likely to play peacemaker and more likely to hold a grudge. Here’s to another weapon for La Leche’s arsenal in the Battle of the Boob!

A study released yesterday in the Annals of Internal Medicine indicates that one-third of the working-age populace without health insurance suffers from a chronic illness. Compared to their insured counterparts, the uninsured are less likely to have visited a doctor within the past year or have a primary site of care, and are more likely to report the emergency room as their main destination for medical help. One expert, Dr. Oliver Fein, explains the consequences of inadequate treatment for illnesses including hypertension, diabetes and heart disease: “They will be disabled early. They will probably die younger. It is a major public health disaster.”
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Elizhbeta Shimanskaya is fulfilling the dreams of childless couples amidst controversy with the surrogate center she runs in Warsaw. Couples pay around $22,000 to impregnate one of the 37 surrogate mothers on site with the male’s sperm (via IVF) and are required to adopt the resultant child. Ms. Shimanskaya, a nurse, is herself set to carry three babies and remarked that, “Poland needs more people — 1.5 million couples face being childless. We are offering a service.” Although the Catholic Church opposes the center, the population is generally in favor of the service.

Bookworms may want to take the book outside, a study in Australia indicates. Whether they’re reading a book, playing on the computer or watching TV, the study suggests that children exposed to intense outdoor light for at least 2.8 hours a day are less likely to develop nearsightedness, even if they do a lot of “near-work,” like reading. Although researchers admit that more studies need to be completed to explain the phenomenon, the results may explain why nearsightedness has been on the rise in recent years.

Looks like the Reader could use a “Womb for Rent” section these days… Fertility clinics in Chicagoland are noticing a sharp increase in interest for surrogate opportunities and egg donation, especially for a usually slow summer season. Seeing as donated eggs can go for as much as $7,000 a pop and a 9-month rental for a cool $30,000, it should come as no surprise. Some donors interviewed are looking to put by a nest egg while others are seeking money for school, understandable in an economy where student loan money is getting tight. I wonder if you can foreclose on a uterus?

The vista over the hill seems a whole lot sunnier to men than women, a new study suggests, with men overtaking women in the fourth decade. The keys to happiness, or a lack thereof, appear to be attached to perceived accomplishments and expectations of material wealth. Earlier acquisition of the big three (family, home, car), close the gap between what a girl wants and what she gets due to what might be termed the Sugar Daddy effect. The empty nest may explain the dip in happiness for older women combined with unfulfilled dreams or material ambitions. Guess those Eastern religions were onto something; less desire does equal more peace of mind.
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What exactly does being an organ donor encompass these days? A Munich medical team has accomplished the first complete transplant of two arms on a former amputee. The 54-year-old was at his wit’s end trying to use prosthetic devices and sick and tired of being dependent on others for his care. Finding a match and suppressing the patient’s immune system were challenging, but the microsurgery of the clinic was also key to the success of the operation. Gives the phrase, “Give yourself a hug” a whole new twist, eh?
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Some say it would take a miracle to get them into a gym (others a cold day in hell), so Melanie Kelly of Washington is injecting a little divine inspiration into her aerobics classes: Gospel music. Part of the Embrace Your Greatness program, which aims to empower women, Kelly said she started the program when she “…acted on a vision she had been sent from on high.” Pushed by phrases like “Grab yourself back from the devil,” “Lift him up, higher, higher,” and “No harm will come to these vessels… no pain… we ask you to remove it in the name of Jesus,” the women strive to fulfill the words of Paul in Corinthians, which urges Christians to take care of their Holy Spirit. Amen.

“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” is a cry uttered by 300,000 Americans each year who break a hip as a result of falls, almost a quarter of whom die within a year of their accident. An innovation inspired by astronauts who struggle to regain their footing back on earth, though, could be a lifesaver to the elderly. Wired with sensors, the iShoe can detect a gradual worsening of balance, giving doctors objective rather than anecdotal diagnostic information. Although balance issues can be the product of many factors, once discovered, doctors and patients can work out a plan of action to prevent future accidents and help the elderly maintain their independence.

Even without the new medical info, the monks of Mount Athos make an interesting story. Begun in the 9th century by a Byzantine decree, residents of this independent region within Greece live in medieval fashion with only the most basic medical care. Doctors were surprised at the incredibly healthy state of the brothers, barring eye problems, but hey, you try reading ancient texts by candlelight. Most noteworthy was their lack of cardiac and lung conditions compared to the rest of the European populace. Perhaps its their self-grown diet or numerous fast days, but harried men everywhere would probably point to the estrogen-free lifestyle; not even female livestock are allowed on the mountain.

Researchers at UCLA have developed an automated, wearable artificial kidney (AWAK) that functions continuously rather than requiring patients to spend hours on a machine three times a week. Martin Roberts and David B.N. Lee designed the peritoneal, wearable kidney that is being called “dialysis-on-the-go” and could replace a patient’s failing organs.